GOLFING TIPS :: Wormkiller Golf Gear

Always remember to replace your divot, unless your divot went futher than your ball. Then you should replace your ball.

Worried you suck at life? How about stop taking tips about golf and just play it. You'll probably still suck at life but at least you'll have some integrity.

Say it don't spray it.

Get a job.

Don't rush your downswing, it'll get there eventually.

Most players who slice only have a slight idea of why they do it. Some think it’s due to their swing path or their release, and some even blame their equipment. They don't realize they simply suck and shouldn't worry about why they slice.

Having trouble sinking your short 'gimmie' putts? Try taking the gimmie instead of stupidly trying to putt it in.

Don't like raking sand traps? Try grooming them with your sandwedge in the shape of the moon. It's fun and adds hours to your game.

Like golf but can't stand watching it on TV? Try a drinking game. Drink everytime you want to turn the channel. Works every time.

Don't like golf? Try pulling your head out of your ass.

Need help with your short game? Try not caring...unless you're getting paid to golf, then you should just practice, or buy a new shirt or something.

Do you need new clubs but aren't sure if you can afford them? Try coloring the club heads with a sharpie. New clubs cost anywhere from two hundred to thousands of dollars, but a sharpie costs about ten cents. Instead of your same old, tired clubs, you'll have a brand new shiny set.

Have a stick up your a-hole? Try complaining that our tip of the week doesn't come out every week. It seems to work for other people.

Unable to afford golf? Try walking onto the course on hole three. Far enough away from the club house and close enough to get you almost an entire round. It's cheap, fun and lowers your score. Win, win, win.

Worried about your golf game going into decline during the winter? Try not caring. If it works for Presidents, it'll work for you.

Worried about where to invest during these unstable times? Try Dorritos, they taste delicious and they have an excellent resale value.

If you want to hit the long ball, try eating and drinking a lot. If it works for John Daly, it will work for you too.

If you like talking about balls and making absurd ball jokes, then golf is the sport for you.

When you golf in the winter, remember to play by winter rules, and by 'winter rules' we mean there are no rules. Kind of like the Thunder Dome.

If you go to the bathroom and end up producing a lockness monster, tell someone. Otherwise when you clog their toilet, they won't fully appriciate cleaning up your mess.

If the term 'Retard' offends you, then you are most likely retarded. Being retarded is a two stroke penalty.

Did you know having your cell phone ring during a round of golf results in a two stroke penalty. Unless it's an attractive female, then you automatically win the hole.

Next time you rent a golf cart, use an alias. That way when you bring it back with a broken axle and blood stains, they'll waste their time looking for Hugh Jorgan.

If you accidentally hit a deer at your local course, this results in a two stroke penalty. Unless you can smuggle it off the course and make deer jerky, then you get a two stroke credit and great tasting jerky.

That last tip was so good we postponed the tip of the week for two weeks. Ya, it was that awesome.

No matter how unkempt the greens are, never blame the course for how poorly you're playing. You'll just come across like a whiny baby who likes to whine like a...baby. Instead try blaming it on the weather.

If you want to stop your slice, try throwing the ball.

Did you know that golfing poorly is the leading cause of domestic abuse? Instead of counciling, try golf lessons.